Dating this day in time can be such a game most of the time, everybody has their own agenda and plan, be it hidden or seen, just about everyone has one. But what really makes a good relationship GOOD? Ladies yall know we have literally written the vision as for as what we want in a husband and made it plain, Brothas, you guys aren't tryna hear all that or be a part of that vision either. lol, right? So I was thinking, maybe we go at each other all wrong, maybe we should put away the agendas and cancel the plans, and just be ourselves and meet one another on the level of personality types and a more mature level, maybe we should take a step out side of our comfort zone even..... Hum whata ya think? Either way, it would have to be better than what we been doing. Ask ya self, what do you want in a friendship.... yep I said friendship, but only with the opposite sex not your homegirl or your homeboy. Statistically survey has shown that the majority of the relationships that start out as a friendships first, tend to last longer than the average hook ups and result in marriage even. See back in the day, our grandparents participated in this thing called courting, which allowed them to develop a friendship, because back then celibacy was popular and to have a pure girl, was good thing, these days some of us have so many miles on us, by the time we reach 45 we just tired, lol, and wore out. Truth be told, this is one reason why married couples of today aren't having relations like they should, cause they worn out and burned out from all the past relating with each other, lol. I'm not a relationship expert, but, I'm just saying, if there is a friendship established you have a better opportunity of getting to know one another and establishing a foundation that is stable. Ladies we often give in too soon and brothas, some of yall come to strong and too hard. Ladies I have found that having a guy pursue you for a while, let's you see right off if he is truly interested in YOU. For instance, if there is a guy that you're interested in, once you gather his attention toward you, be nice, but put him off for minute, act as if you're always busy, result to text messages when he call, and stop answering the phone on the first ring or don't answer at all sometimes, but shoot a text message at'em, try it, you'll find it works. Also, put your personal preferences away, see, I'm more attracted to dark skinned tall stocky guys with a great smile, yes lawd! Oh, lol, sorry.... anyway, so if and when a light skinned brotha would try and holla, I would dismiss him it didn't mater that he was nice or even handsome I could care less I would shut him down. If he was not an active member of somebody's church, I would dismiss him quickly,but be careful, because I also had my moments when I over compromised also, that's not good either. You want to explore all of your options, and take it slow, pace yourself, take time to get to know that person. You would be amazed at what a conversation can do and what you can learn about someone. Know this, and that is LOVE is a trip, and it happens when you least expect it and if your not pack and ready for that trip, you just might miss the flight to cloud nine, understand it takes time to develop so don't go putting a time limit on love. Now Grandma' nem swear that sustaining from relating during the trial run (the friendship period) helps out a lot, I say, it depends on the people. Now of course we all know we should not be having premarital relations, and should be refraining, but this is the real world, and there is probably just as many individuals in the church and outside of the church, doing their thing and I'm talking SINGLES. Now I'm not trying to expose nobody, I'm just saying. Hey now, I know of a couple of ministers who have active Tagged pages and are members of other singles social pages, and I'm not knocking them, I'm just saying, but I just wanna know what all yall doing on these sites? Huh? Lol, LOOKING, for what though? Huh? Umhum! lol. I'm just saying. We all want to feel that touch, and know that somebody special loves us and wants us as a part of their world and be a part of our world, but there has to to be an established way of doing this.

Being Single and Waiting for Love (Avoiding the "Its Complicated")

"It takes a fool to learn that love don't love nobody" the popular 1991 hit song by The Spinners, told the truth about the down side of love. Sometimes love just don't love back, yet some women will degrade themselves, their self worth and dignity in the attempt to make love work, and when it doesn't happen as fairytale's do the saga begins........ Love turns into a dog, and the unloved goes into a GREAT DEPRESSION, seeking the comfort and gratification from close friends. Rivers of tears fall, and thoughts of why,  and questions such as am I too this or too that, or was it somebody better than me? When the truth is, there was nothing wrong with you or him. Love wanted a moment and you thought you had come across a life time causing you to change your Facebook status to ITS COMPLICATED. This is the story of the broken hearted, a loveless tale of what a lot of people find themselves experiencing at some given point in life. But is the reaction really worth it? I will agree, that loosing someone you truly care about doesn't feel too good, but I bet that if one would settle down and assess the situation, the signs of red flags would still be waving. 

Ladies if a guy only calls you after 10pm wanting to come over, that's a flag and if you never meet his friends or family and it's been a year already, red flag, if you don't know where he lives, red flag, run honey. In todays society, love is depreciated by 10 to 20 percent you see it in the movies we watch, the music we listen to, its on reality TV, Social Networking, and God forbid if somebody attempts to correct the scene, all become offensive, making up excuses. The truth ladies and gentlemen, love has nothing to do with looks, money, things, or social scenes. Many may have missed out on a really great person who could have brought happiness to our lives, but because attraction over ruled character, many of us missed out!!

Ladies he can promise you the world, but if you never get to know the character of that person, how can you build a relationship with a solid trusting and communicative foundation. Too many men and women fall short of the intended because they loose sight of what they really want, especially women. Women, we expect marriage after 6 months to a year of dating, when it doesn't happen, we start trying to make it happen. We sit and listen to others tell us that its time and there we go trying to make it happen. A man once told me that men want the opportunity to choose when they get married and not be told. 

Too many woman allow loneliness to rule them into making the wrong choices in accepting the hand of the wrong man and then we end up hurt and confused. But at the end of the day we only have ourselves to blame. Ladies many of us are as hot as fire and to quick to give up the goods before we get any type of commitment, then we find ourselves asking the question "How do you feel about me?" We rush into empty situations hoping for a relationship to come out of it. Let me tel you now, love will not happen the same for everyone, and we must accept this, embrace it and move from it. As Paul would say, it would be best if you would be like me, and not get caught up in the hype of it all. 

Take time to find out who you are and what you want and deserve in a mate, and then don't settle, and understand that the important thing is you won't die if it take a while for love to locate you. Don't be ruled by loneliness, it hard at first, especially if you're use to having somebody around, but you can make it. You may long, cry, and still wonder at times whats taking so long for love to find you, but keep your eye on the prize, remembering whom God joins together no man can break up.